outsider.
I've been an outsider for as long as I remember. My family moved around quite a bit growing up though it never dawned on me how unusual this all was until I started to feel broken at the age of 12. It's an early age to fight depression, but the tears came along with the insomnia and terrible feelings of loneliness. I now recognize the feelings of loss and abandonment that triggered a variety of episodes and feelings well into my 30's. I'm not sure I always was an introvert. I enjoyed playing with friends as a child and loved being a leader. I'm beginning to wonder if it's become a mode of protection. I've given a lot to friendships over the years. Taking friends on vacation, taking the time to visit them realizing then and now the lack of reciprocation on their part. I have fought insecurity and feelings of being likable to the point where I now just retreat. I resist making friends, good friends, especially since my lifestyle hasn't changed much fr...
